i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
