So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Randomize
