If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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