I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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