I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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