take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
