I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
