I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
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He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
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you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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