Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
