i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
