It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
