you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
