I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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