Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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