im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
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Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
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I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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