i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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