I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
