$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
