you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
