She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
