so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
