The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
