girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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