Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize