chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
