i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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