I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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