Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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