I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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