THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
