I'll bet she douches with gravy.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
