i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
