I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
