brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
