She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
