Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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