even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
