she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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