Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Im part way to drunk.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
