as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
