hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
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He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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