I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
