Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
