Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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