nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
