would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
