I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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