Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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