Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
