I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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