Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
