I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize