In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
