yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
