FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
