Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize