Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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