I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
