The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
