Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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