Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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