Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
