just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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