I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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