His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
