I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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