I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
