Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
