insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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