Your dad touched me again.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
