Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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