I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
