I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
