i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
last night I used snow as a chaser
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
