is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
