Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
